For he heard my voice
Because he turned his ear to me
I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me
the anguish of the grave came over me
I was overcome by distress and sorrow
Then I called on the name of the Lord
"Lord, save me!"
The LORD is gracious and righteous
our God is full of compassion
The LORD protects the unwary
when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return to your rest, my soul
for the LORD has been good to you.
For you LORD have delivered me from death,
my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.
When I was going through it, and I mean THROUGH IT, this was the Psalm that my mom gave me. This was the Psalm that resonated through my soul. The words "Return to your rest, O my soul" seemed an impossibility. I felt like my brain was at the point of no return. I never thought I would get better but I held on to the sinews of hope. Like when your muscles and tendons are being ripped apart while your one had is holding on to the edge of a cliff and you are ready to fall off and you feel your muscles ripping apart. It was hope that kept me holding on. It was that bad. The anxiety, fear and panic had so filled my body and mind that I felt unrecognizable to the person I had been before and had always known. Not just anxiety in worry about the future and worry about life and excessive worry. Anxiety that causes your soul to shudder and shake every moment of the day. Where you can't think straight. I never thought I could get out of that place. I didn't know that a brain suffering so much could ever think straight again. When it says that the cords of death encompassed me, I was there. A dead woman walking. I still have Lyme. I am just beginning to treat it. But I am not there. I have been delivered from that horrible, horrible nightmare of a place and I am so grateful. I know there is so much more for me. But I am so grateful for how far I have come.
I love how it says the LORD protects the unwary. Un-aware. Un-aware that I had Lyme I began all these nutritional treatments that began restoring my body. Proverbs 3 tells us to "Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding, in all our ways acknowledge him (pray to him, ask him for direction, and to guide our steps) and he WILL make our paths straight. I feel like my path has been made straight even in the midst of me being unaware and I am so grateful for that. Even though it has taken time, I am on a good path. A few years back I was angry at God, felt abandoned and felt betrayed. I had given my heart to him and this is what I had got in return? I thought this because in the back of my head I believed that if I gave my heart to him I would live a perfect life. The Bible clearly tells us that we will endure hardship and suffering because we live in this fallen world...a world with Lyme Disease and cancer and war and pain. I couldn't see His hand guiding my steps, making them straight. Now I do. We moved to a state where I found a doctor who got me off all anti-anxiety medication and onto 5-htp and tyrosine sprays using scientific testing. He does clinical studies for the lab so I only pay $10 every two weeks for $650 worth of testing that my insurance would never reimburse. My insurance, up until now, has always paid my naturopathic bills even though I just found out that they don't cover naturopaths and so now I will have to pay for my upcoming appointments. Fortunately, my husband just received a substantial raise, so as frustrating as it was to learn the visits were uncovered, we are still provided for. Australia could be good because alot of medicines are subsidized by the government. We shall see. I am just trusting that my steps are being led amidst the mine-field of life and the things that I don't see with my own eyes.
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