Stress

Well, we had a great weekend skiing.  I, did not ski.  I just took care of gearing up 4 kids under the age of 12 and believe me, that is ALOT of work. And managing the food and the preparation of everything.  It was alot for me.  AND...I did not take my medicine for 3 days straight.  We had guests come and go from the cabin so I really was not able to rest at all during the day and was often up late doing runs for the family from the ski run.  I wish I could say it was relaxing for me, but it wasn't and I am okay with that. It was for the kids.  I wanted them to have a great experience.  And they did.

But this week, I had a meltdown.  The first three days after the trip I slept the entire day during when the kids were at school.  My brain was fuzzy and I really couldn't do anything but watch tv or look at the computer.  I was too tired to clean, to engage in conversation.  I had NO energy.  Then I got a note that my child, who has been in the gifted and talented in 2 other school districts, is getting a D+ in math.  This was shocking news as he is a very highly capable student.  I was so tired, the house was a mess, my husband was being unsupportive with his own issues and my son was now struggling at school.  Then the next day I got an email that unless he raises his grade in a day or makes a plan to that he will not be allowed to participate in a band concert that is during school and part of his grade. I just absolutely melted.  This is the first time I have ever been in tears weeping in front of my kids.  My issues with Lyme Disease and not having energy, my husbands issues that are constantly tearing down my soul, one of my sons who has add issues and then this with my one kid who usually manages to get straight A's.  I just absolutely melted and the sad thing is that this is the first time he has really gotten a bad grade so it made it seem like it was a huge deal.  What was a huge deal was that I just felt so overwhelmed.  It was the straw that broke the camels back.  I just absolutely started weeping and then that night had a fight with my husband.  Thankfully, I am on my medicine and had got rest the previous 3 days so I am doing okay but my head hurts from staying up last night and arguing with my husband.  So right now, again, I am completely wiped.  I can't help but realize that my emotions and feeling so intensely overwhelmed was also due to being completely wiped out as well ad a herx from starting up the meds after 3 and 1/2 days of not taking them.  That is enough time for all the spirochetes to come out of hiding and come out to play and so I think I also had a massive herx because I was sleeping for 3 days and had an intense headache the ENTIRE time.

So right now, I just want me to be right.  I want to have the energy to deal with all the normal stuff life sends my way. But my husband is half functioning right now and I am half functioning with the Lyme Disease and it is hard to be half a person when you know what it is like to be a whole person.

I just felt like giving up.  Like no matter how much I give, or try, I can't make up for people who are irresponsible and unhelpful.  I give advice, I offer help but they screw it up.  It is hard to continue to care and it gets exhausting.  Maybe it is good, maybe I have things to learn.  But right now, I just need rest again.  I have yet to add in the Biaxin and Malarone because I am so tired and fatigued right now that I need to wait until I am in a better place.