Lonely but Blessed

Often my house is a mess. I don't commit to being on committee's or involved with my kids school. I complain of sickness alot. I have one friend but I am sure she thinks I am a hypochondriac. Even my husbands family may. But I know myself before and I know myself after. Fortunately, I have gone the completely alternative route but still using MD's and I have saved myself the stress, for the most part, of dealing with doctors who are unsupportive. I have also sequestered myself somewhat to caring for my children, my husband, my home and my health and only involving myself in the kids activities. It is enough for me to do that with a traveling husband and four kids under the age of 9. I do this to protect my energy levels and also from exposing myself to relationships where I can't give at the same level and therefore subject myself to being unfairly judged. I don't know anybody here who barely even knows what Lyme disease is. When I have talked about it, they asked if it is contagious. "No" I say. I think I just need to keep my mouth shut about it for now and keep the mystery alive as to why I never really involve myself in to much. I fully intend to engage in relationships and activities when I am feeling better but right now all my extra energy goes into my kids. And we move alot so friendships take a lot of time and work and I just haven't had it. The last placed I lived, I was blessed with a next door neighbor who had Lyme and she knew all about what I was going through. I didn't even know I had Lyme at the time but she was right there encouraging me when I felt sick all the time. We helped each other with one another's children and were just there for each other to talk. I am a Christian and she is a Christian too. We would just walk outside and talk to each other. How blessed is that? But here, I don't have that so I feel lonely. But it is okay. I am getting better. The good side is that I am home all the time with my kids. I don't have the energy to pursue other ambitions and as a result I have shared so many fun and good times with my kids that I probably wouldn't have had I been out conquering the world. I get to take my daughter to the bookstore (she's 4) and shopping and to the zoo and all those fun laid back things that stay at homes moms can do. When I think about how much time I have spent with my children it makes me feel rich and blessed and happy and fulfilled. I am looking forward to more energy in the future but I am so enjoying the treasure of time I have with my children that is in the now.