Feeling Bored

Today is one of those days that I am feeling bored with treatment.  I just want to be over with it.  Done. It has been 7 years since I first got sick.  It was May 2007 and it is almost May 2014 now.  7 years.  I have done so many things.  Metametrix testing.  Super helpful.  Alleviated many issues although the underlying cause, Lyme Disease and Co-Infections, was still unknown to me.  CDSA, Heavy Metal Testing (I was fine), IgG (Allergy testing) (pretty much fine besides Yeast).  I did the 'gold standard' genetic testing for Celiac Disease.  Again.  I was fine.  I was not Celiac.  Lyme was the root of it all.  And probably the MTHFR mutation I had made it 10x worse.  Made me unable to detox - or at least I have 10% of the detox capability of a 'normal' person.  I took months and months of herbs while I lived overseas.  They helped.  Got rid of Bartonella.  Which is huge.  HUGE for me.  The nervousness and anxiety and sore throats was SO intense and it scarred my life for years.  I never felt myself.  Ever.  For 5 and 1/2 years.  So I am so grateful to be free of that.

I am grateful to be treating Lyme.  And I am just about to start to treat Babesia with the Malarone.  But today I am just feeling like I want to be done with it all.  I am ready for it to be over.  I have done my time.  I have put forth my best effort and I should be better, totally better, right now.  But, I am not...totally better.  I am better.  But not totally.  Still gaining weight, still have the Babesia issue to deal with.

I liken what I am feeling right now to having completed 2/3 to 3/4 of a marathon.  I am at that point where my starting drive has wore off, and I am worn out and tired of just running, step after step, mile after mile.  I just want to see the "Finish" sign.  I want to live the life after the finish line.

But alas.  I still have a few more years to go.  And day after day, I need to take the medicines in order to cross that finish line.  But the problem is, there are hills on this marathon I didn't expect.  Like when I was ready to start the Malarone last week but got the worst stomach flu of my life and couldn't.  Delay.  And now I feel like I need a few days to just feel 'normal' before I start the Malarone and start herxing from that.  I mean, I am not really up for having the stomach flu and then the day I feel better, taking a medicine that makes me feel like junk right away.  So there is delay.

I think I am also feeling this way because my body IS feeling better and so inside I know that I am closer to the finish line.  Like being a senior and you know graduation is 3 months away and you just want to give up and relax because it is coming and you can feel the freedom.  Senioritis.  That is what I have.  I have Lyme Treatment Senioritis with a touch of Babesia Listlessness.  Self-Diagnosed.